We Could Have Danced All Night in Our Sensible Shoes

It was one of those frigid January nights in Minnesota, but instead of curling up with a book by a fire, my friends were ready to party. We were heading out to celebrate one of our own on her 80th birthday.

Under our heavy down coats, we wore party outfits pulled from the backs of our closets, just waiting for a night like this. Flowy pants hid knee braces paired with sensible shoes. It was a good thing, too, because the moment the band started playing, we hit the dance floor. We danced until even the most comfortable shoes couldn’t save our tired feet.

Ignoring any aches and pains, we gleefully moved however we could to rock and roll music played by a band as old as us. The aging vocalist clutched her mic to her lips to enhance her voice as her fringed dress waved and her sequined boots sparkled. Obviously, they were doing what they loved, and their energy was electrifying.

Smiles lit up our faces as we cheered, “Look at you!” to our dancing queen, who had a health scare a year ago. “You go, girl!” encouraging one who walks with a cane.

Hugs and embraces followed each song, demonstrating our deep admiration for each other. We were a sisterhood, sharing uninhibited joy that lingered long after the music stopped.

Moments like these remind us that age doesn’t define our spirit. Daily routines, responsibilities, and worries can make us think that uninhibited joy should be reserved for the young. This is not the case. Psychologists studying happiness report that it becomes even more meaningful as we age, even if it’s a little harder to find.

What is Uninhibited Joy?

Wellness advocates urge us to “find joy” in our lives as if joy is something hidden and must be uncovered. That’s why I struggled to answer my friend’s question at lunch. She was navigating life after the loss of her husband. Knowing my husband had been gone for five years, she asked, “Where do you find joy now?” Her question implied that joy is a constant state—something she hoped to achieve.

The question caught me off guard. Family issues, unsettling headlines, and cloudy days had overtaken my spirit. It took a moment before I replied, “I’m not feeling particularly joyful today. Joy pops in and out, but only if I let it.”

Ahh, but uninhibited joy is different. You know it when you feel it, and it has lasting effects. Uninhibited joy is an unmistakable burst of exhilaration—a sense of “Whoo hoo!” You know it because it brings you color, volume, and energy in big ways. Doctors describe it as a dopamine boost for the brain that keeps older adults feeling alive with significant mental and physical benefits. Adding social interactions, like a dance party, multiplies the benefits. It’s the kind of happiness that makes us laugh without hesitation, move freely, and embrace life without self-consciousness, fear, or restriction. And it’s something we must grab when we can, especially when we need it most.

Uninhibited joy is ageless. Betty White comes to mind as an icon for living without restraint. She never hesitated to embrace her playful spirit. She made it clear that growing old doesn’t mean growing dull. Acting your age suggests sitting in a chair.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study on happiness, reports that joy in later life is deeply tied to relationships, social engagement, and a sense of playfulness.

Do you wonder why young drivers play music so loud that you feel the vibrations as their cars pass you? It’s because it makes them feel good. For them, uninhibited joy is effortless. They don’t overthink whether they “should” be doing something fun—they just do it. On the other hand, as we age, we place limitations on what we think is appropriate behavior. Instead of being uninhibited, we stay in our comfort zones.

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown explains that joy is one of the most vulnerable emotions we can experience and that play, laughter, and dance are not frivolous but essential acts of courage. She invites us to let go of self-judgment and embrace life with a sense of curiosity and wonder, just as children do. That’s uninhibited joy.

There is no denying that as we age, our challenges are real. We can’t pretend to be young or that everything is fine. However, positive thinkers remind us that we can set aside what is out of our control and take charge of the one thing that is in our control—ourselves. With intention, we can find reasons to smile.

Go For it!

We don’t have to take it to extremes like Barbara Bush, who jumped out of an airplane at 90, but saying “Why not?” to fun when your instinct is to say, “Eh, I’m tired” can do it. Even a simple scenic drive can feel like an adventure—especially if you’re belting out tunes. It’s a dopamine rush of pure, immersive joy. Helen Mirren might have taken an idea from a young person when she dyed her hair pink at 70 just for the fun of it. What if you decided to wear sequins on a morning when you were feeling down?

You may not dance like Rita Moreno, but you can move enough to feel alive. Orthopedists and physical therapists agree that moving freely acts like WD-40 for the body, if it’s not overdone, which is probably why the day after the dance party, I was feeling it.

Uninhibited joy doesn’t need to be wild and crazy to boost your spirits. Take the Danish concept of Hygge (pronounced “hoo-gah”)—a feeling of cozy, effortless happiness. Hygge is the joy of friends lingering around a table, laughing together as stories weave into the night. For the introverts in my family, a rush can be digging in the garden or being buried in a good book.

We all know joyless Debbie Downers. I prefer hanging out with joyful people like my friend, who is a “joy jolt.” When she enters a room, joy surrounds her and is contagious.

Many years ago, I was on a business retreat at a spa in Sedona. I met a Psychic who told me I was so pent up that I needed to let myself twirl like a Sufi dancer, those whirling dervishes who spin in a trance-like state. “NEVER” was my first thought. Days later, hidden from anyone’s sight, I allowed myself to try it. Cautious at first, my young body surrendered, and my thoughts quieted. Spinning freely, I began to feel more and more exhilarated. I was experiencing a dopamine release that lasted for days. Sufi dancing is a great metaphor for the uninhibited joy that comes when you give yourself permission to feel alive.

By the way, my friends are planning a “just for fun” dance party soon.